Nalezeno 10870 vtipů.
| Politika (4.6.2019 15:39) |
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Politika |
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| Ako sa tak občas v telke pozerám na vystupenia T. Okamuru vyvstávajú predo mnou dve otázky: Prvá: - Kam odišiel cirkus? Druhá: - Prečo práve jeho tu nechali? |
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| Ťok (30.5.2019 16:55) |
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Politika |
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| Ťok byl sice mizerný ministr dopravy, ale také skvělý ministr obrany. | |||
| Sex (25.5.2019 8:43) |
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Lechtivé |
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| Říká se, že sex je nejlepší lék na všechno. Byl jsem v lékárně, nechtěli mi dát. |
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| Hokej (24.5.2019 21:59) |
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Národnosti |
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| Slováci mají takovou smůlu, že nemůžou být považováni za největší smolaře turnaje. | |||
| Babiš (23.5.2019 11:24) |
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Politika |
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| "Máme tady dalšího Masaryka. Co s ním?" "Dejte ho na pokoj s Benešem a Štefánikem. Budou si rozumět!" |
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| Levné tankování (22.5.2019 18:38) |
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Zamyšlení |
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| Dneska jsem po dlouhé době vzal plnou nádrž a ještě dva kanystry. No řekněte, kdy naposledy byl litr benzínu za cenu kila brambor? |
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| sex (22.5.2019 11:40) |
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Lechtivé |
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| Můj nejdelší pohlavní styk trval hodinu a 48 vteřin. A to všechno jen díky posunu na letní čas. |
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| Za komunistov bolo lepšie (22.5.2019 0:02) |
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Zamyšlení |
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| A jak říkal soudruh Gustáv Husák: „Komunismus u nás nastane, až budou banány levnější než brambory“. Já blbec jsem se mu smála, že se komunismu nedožiji. Včera - banány 19,90 Czk, brambory 28,90 CZK (v SR banány 0,99 Eur a zemiaky 1,20 eur) To byl, panečku, prognostik! |
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| Roumenista na golfu (21.5.2019 21:20) |
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Lechtivé |
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| Professor Higgins at Cork University was giving a lecture on *Involuntary Muscle Contraction* to the first year Medical Students. This was not an exciting subject and the Professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your Asshole is doing while you're having an Orgasm"..?? She replied, 'Probably playing Golf with his Buddies.’ |
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| krutá pravda (21.5.2019 13:59) |
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Práce |
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| Kdo se směje šéfovi, ten se směje naposled. | |||
| Pořekadlo (21.5.2019 12:12) |
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Lesbičky |
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| Pořekadlo "vytloukat klín klínem" dostává zcela odlišný význam u lesbického porna. | |||
| Zvláštní schopnosti (20.5.2019 10:04) |
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Zamyšlení |
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| Pouze Chuck Norris se vydrží dívat 5 minut v kuse na TV Barrandov. | |||
| Podprsenka (17.5.2019 18:16) |
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Manželství |
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| Trvalo mi asi půl hodiny, než se mi konečně podařilo rozepnout podprsenku mé přítelkyně. Vůbec jsem si ten krám neměl zkoušet | |||
| Fuck like royalty (16.5.2019 22:34) |
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Manželství |
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| Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!" Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder". Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!" "Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!" In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Philip, "See! I told you... With a face like that, she had to be a virgin!" Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!" At which Prince Philip said to the Queen, "That's my boy! He served in the Royal Navy: once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!" |
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| Brouk (15.5.2019 19:41) |
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Politika |
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| Babiš, Brabec a Schillerová přijdou do lesa s armádou fotografů v naleštěných polobotkách, potkají kůrovce, kůrovec se na ně podívá a říká: ,,Co je to za škůdce?". | |||
| Switch user na Moravě (15.5.2019 11:51) |
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Počítače |
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| > root@localhost: su kokot | |||
| Roumenista v nemocnici (11.5.2019 20:46) |
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Lechtivé |
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| The Doctor. You'll be fine," the Doctor said after finishing the young man's surgery. But, he asked, "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?" The Surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye. The boy was alarmed. "What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?" He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out". |
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| Roumenista v Tescu (11.5.2019 20:34) |
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Lechtivé |
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| A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store. As he got to the check out he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Checkout 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the check out, he told the girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the check out for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Checkout 5." A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the check out he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said... "Mop and bucket to Checkout 5". |
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| asiat (10.5.2019 7:03) |
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Národnosti |
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| Pokud si myslíš, že jsi v něčem skutečně dobrý, tak věz, že se vždy najde čtyřletý asiat, co tě v tom přetrumfne. | |||
| kurovec (10.5.2019 6:58) |
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Politika |
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| Dva největší problémy současnosti by vyřešilo, pokud bychom kůrovce naučili žrát řepku. | |||